Don’t Break Into Pieces To Keep Others Whole

How many times have you been torn to pieces by others? It is very common, especially among women. We want to reach out to all arms, to all the needs of others to offer well-being and happiness.

All this brings nobility, because we carry it out of free will and because that is how we understand love: loving our partners, children or friends. And, even more, we do it without expecting anything in return.

Now … Are you one of those who really thinks you don’t deserve anything in return? Today in our space we invite you to reflect on it.

Here are tips that may not work for you. If you think you need professional help, we recommend consulting a psychologist.

When our heart is torn to pieces by others

We break into pieces almost every day, and we do it without realizing it.  There comes a time when we become aware of the shortcomings of our own heart.

We break into pieces when:

• We put our partner’s wishes before our own. It is something we can do once, twice, three times, but what happens when the other person assumes that we will always do it?

• Emotional blackmail or victimization is used to force ourselves to help, do favors, and chores for someone.

• We let ourselves be carried away by friends on toxic occasions, accustomed to telling us their daily sorrows without ever worrying about knowing how we are, what we think or feel.

• Every day we delay what we like to do because others always have priority.

If we stop prioritizing ourselves, over time, there  will come a time when we lose our identity. That essence that defines us in our tastes, passions, dreams and self-esteem.

It is not about ignoring others, but about not only paying attention to others. The key is in balance.

You have the right to expect reciprocity

Giving everything without expecting anything in return can hurt us

Relationships are not just a one-way interaction, but an effective and satisfying exchange where both parties offer affection, information, and energy equally. Any relationship that is based on a single direction, on the “I give, I attend, I care, I offer, …” ends up hurt and full of deficiencies.

As social and emotional beings, we also need to be recognized as people who should receive attention  and affection. Recognition places us in the world, something that children and adults need.

In popular psychology it is called  Wendy’s syndrome, the situation where one of the parties involved goes out of their way for the other person, always seeking their happiness, leaving aside their own self-esteem.

The right to reciprocity: no one is selfish for expecting something in return

Expecting others to take us into account as well is not being selfish. Reciprocity is the basis of social relationships and as such we must practice it and, in turn, receive it.

Reciprocity is giving and offering, it is recognizing and being recognized

• Reciprocity is having the right to say “I can’t”, “at this moment I can’t” or “I don’t want to”. We know that the other person will understand us, and understand that we will not always be available and that we have our own needs.

• You have the right to refuse, to say no. And not for that you are a bad person or selfish. No one has the right to feel offended either, because if they don’t understand that you also need your personal space, where you can be yourself, they don’t appreciate you or take you into account.

• If we give in every day in all these aspects, there will come a time when we will feel frustrated. Frustration leads to dissatisfaction, and dissatisfaction to unhappiness.

The moment we are aware of this unhappiness, we run the risk of depression. If we do not have that internal balance, that well-being that gives us strength and integrity, it is very difficult to continue serving others. Keep offering happiness.

Always remember that to give the best of ourselves we need to be well. And to be well, we need to be recognized as people, respected and taken into account.

Nobody is selfish about it. It’s called integrity, it’s called loving yourself, something that we should cultivate every day of our lives. And remember: we recommend you go to a professional if you think you need help to manage your emotions.